Companionship

Ambrosia: As you grow in spiritual understanding and in unselfish devotion to serving one another and all others whom you encounter, you are increasing in the quality and practice of love.

Personality interaction is the most fundamental satisfaction of existence, both mortal, for the soul, and spiritual. In your personality status you are most closely aligned with the image of God, for this is how God has created all of us according to the perfect pattern of personality manifest in the Eternal Son. You are learning to be companionate with each other, to express the pleasure of simply being in the presence and interacting with another person with no ulterior motives or manipulative devices.

To be a companion is to simply be present with another person. It does not involve the obligation of teaching. It does not require salesmanship on your part. It does not require obligatory service either. True,
companionship is not the sum total of interpersonal relationships but it is one very lovely aspect which is lacking in the hubbub of your materialistic, rushing to judgement, preoccupied state of affairs. In some ways simpler cultures have more wisdom for they have placed more value in being companions to each other. It is this lack which damages families and which is so sorely needed between parents and children and between siblings as well; and also between the original couple, husband and wife.  

You see, in eternity's view it is these kinds of relationships which have such lasting value. Yes, work is important and teamwork and groupings to accomplish objectives are yet a very important part of interpersonal relations. But the flavor of a group is so greatly enhanced by the element, by the substance of the companionship provided therein.  

Your companionship with the First Source and Center through your Thought Controller is your most intimate experience and someday you will achieve perfect completion of that companionship in fusion experience. You will be the vehicle of personality for your Thought Controller and your Thought Controller will give you the dimension of eternity. Together you will fuse and become one even as our Creator Son in his divinity is one with his humanity.  

Great and wonderful are the purposes of God in His decision to create time and space. Those of us who are of finite status continually learn new and greater understanding of the great heart of love which beats the pulse of the universe. 

There is a distinction to be made about companionability and teamwork as representing two different kinds of interrelationships. Many people choose their life partners on the basis of compatibility of interests and just "doing" things together. Certainly, this is not to be faulted, for there is an inherent value in this kind of interrelationship.

My observations are that men in particular define their essence in terms of their activities, although this is modifying somewhat lately, still males in particular think of themselves as teachers, construction workers,
golfers, fishermen, fathers, these sorts of activities define many men in their own minds. Similarly do women define their essence, although they see themselves more in the role of nurturance than production. But even the role of parents can be primarily a "doing" rather than "being" role, in many cultures.

Being in the same space but not interacting in sharing is not companionability. To be companionate in the sense that I was describing, means to be comfortable, relaxed, attentive, and interested in the other person, in their thoughts, in their feelings, and in their values. So companionship entails sharing ideas, certainly involves sharing values, and it also recognizes the domain of feelings as well. This sharing, in order to be companionate, needs to be non-judgmental. It needs to be non-competitive. It needs to proceed from
the inherent value assigned to that other person, the value of a faith son or daughter of God and therefore, a brother or sister. You see, even more fundamental in a marriage relationship than husband and wife, than lover, than co-parent, is the level of brother/sister, as children of one Parent. This ultimate, fundamental level gives final value to the person and to oneself so that these other levels of interaction are properly honored and appropriately framed. 

Nancy: Is silence, when someone is distracted, is this the opposite of companionable?

Ambrosia: That is true; for the silence indicates absence of presence.

Virginia: Is that always true?

Ambrosia: In someone who is distracted, yes. Now, silence may be a very comfortable thing. It can signal that there is no need to perform, to gain approval from the other person. It can take and enshroud a beautiful experience with a sort of holiness when both people are engaged in meditation as they view the panorama of some beautiful scene such as the grand canyon. It is only in the silence of a production orientated association with another person that embarrassment and discomfort develops, for then each person feels they are not doing their part in maintaining the conversation.

Lori: I find that now, with limited time because of ever increasing responsibilities, that I kind of grasp little moments of companionship with my friends, family, and children. Now I am questioning if it is one sided....and that's okay if it is for me, cause I get a great deal of joy from it, being even with my husband, children, or friends even when they are busy; I'm just there soaking it up and feeling completely like a
companion, offering to help or not, but still feeling some companionship, hanging out in their space while they zoom all around...whether it is in strict definition of what you, Ambrosia, were trying to convey..I don't know. For me, it does feel like true companionship, and a real break for me.

Ambrosia: Yes, I would agree that this is exactly what companionship is. It may be that their zooming around as you say, and occupying the same space with somebody does not mean you are not being a companion, for you are. When I made a distinction between the interactions that occur in teamwork, I was, in fact, not thinking of what you are describing, but more the actual working setting of most people. 

I have experience at being a tour guide and it is a very profoundly satisfying form of companionship. I imagine that at times you may feel somewhat like a tour guide with your children, as you go here and there with them; for parents show their children the world every day. They are with them and point out things that are of interest to them and hope will be of interest to their children.

Lori: It's hard in this day and age to even have time to just hang out with someone in just a companionship relationship. I guess that's why I feel like I seize little moments here and there even if the person I am with isn't in that same companionizing mode. That's what I meant. It may be unilateral, but it still works for me.

Ambrosia: Yes, understood. It is, of course, more ideal if the two people are in the companionate mode and it is not unilateral, but mutual. In fact, if there is anything I would offer to you all as a suggestion it would be to prioritize your time in such a way that you place boundaries around companionate time with your spouses, with your children and with your friends. You term it, "quality time", and this is very accurate. It is essential for the well being of families that these companionate relationships be strengthened, enhanced, and prioritized as the most import time you spend, rather than just another nice thing that you could choose to do from among many other options. 

Marty: Does the physical person have to be there or can it be somehow accomplished on this planet via the phone, or whatever, when family or friends are out of personal communication?

Ambrosia: The answer is, of course, yes, Marty. The thing that is obvious, however, is that there really is no substitute for the physical presence. The other communication modes are greatly reduced in effectiveness inasmuch as scientists estimate that communication occurs somewhere in the range of 75 to 90% by nonverbal means. When you cannot see the person, but have to rely only on hearing, you lose some of that nonverbal information. But, most important is your intention; and indeed, consider how much better it is for your generation than it was for people hundreds of years ago who relied on written communication which took weeks to reach the recipient.  

Nancy: It seems to me that a lot of nonverbal communication isn't just visual but it's sharing energy, it's changing the energy mood and I can't do that over the phone. It's also why I can't imagine teaching by video or learning by video, but especially teaching, not being able to feel the energy of students shift.

Ambrosia: I agree. There is no substitute for the literal presence for the reasons you just expressed. I can not adequately explain to you what circuitry involves. When you say energy exchange that is part of what we call circuitry. It is on a mindal level, both cognitive and feeling. It is also on a soul level of connection. Of course, as long as you are mortals it is important to include touch, the physical connection as well. 

Welmek: It is through companionship that you grow with your brethren, that you are deepening the connection above of friendship with them that fills your life with a sense of purpose and connectivity that is so important to your growing personality development. You know full well that you are social creatures, do you not? And as social creatures you must be in relationship with other people to fulfill these needs. However, of the relationships that you are in; how many could you truly say are deeply satisfying and immensely rewarding from the standpoint that you can share you innermost self with these individuals and feel that they can share their selves with you in an environment of unconditional respect, affection and to an extent, understanding? Would you say that the majority of your relationships fall into this category?

Student 1: Welmek, for me, I enjoy, I mean truly enjoy this, for me is my real wealth. This above all I am proud of and happy about, is the people I have known. My sister since I was born. Tim and Shirley since I was
in college forty-some years. Two ladies for almost thirty years, a recent friend, a dancing partner for two and a half to three years. Some other male friends over twenty years. And I can say in most of these cases that it is still, this friendship is still growing. And then, also happy to have about fifty-some people I relate to in terms of, you might say business and things.  So I feel my life is wonderfully full that way.

Welmek: Yes, it is indeed one of life's joys to have a circle of people around you who know you and love you. But I am now speaking of the most intimate and loving of relationships, that deep companionship that is of
a nature that goes beyond just the friendship; it is as if you are soul-buddies. Would you say that you have
relationships of that nature?

Student 1: Very much so! My friends, Tim and Shirley, these transcend time and space. We are together. Two
ladies; one I was married to for awhile and just in the last three or four years has made so much, such enormous spiritual, soul growth, just in deciding to live, coming out of drug addiction and absolute, absolute devastation; physical and mental and spiritual devastation. And being a friend to this person and giving this person someone to relate to so she wouldn't be institutionalized or dead and seeing her grow and being absolutely thrilled, loving her in spite of the wreck she is, to see this courage to come awake and continue to live. Another lady I was with for ten years; we are still absolutely together, even though there was an enormous kind of rejection because we didn't get back together as lovers and that but stayed really true friends. Welmek, I don't know any boundaries on these relationships.   

Welmek: And what do you say that, in these relationships, you find it easy to be in that state of self-forgetfulness and just sharing who you are, the beauty of your personality, the joy of being together and the pleasure that you have in discovering who these people are?  

Student 1: Welmek, you know, to me the signature of these friendships is that it's a mystery. I really don't know why I am happy just to see them or to hear from them, but I am, it's a spontaneous thing and it's something inexplicable and just, just so joyful for that very reason.

Welmek: There is a deep level of exploration that comes in knowing another person. It is as if you are discovering aspects of the Father Himself. And I say to you that there is joy, there is adventure, there is exhilaration and immense freedom as you learn who another person is in your life and how you can continue to unfold in your personality sharing together that leads you to new associations and deeper communal expressions of the Fathers' love within your bonded and unified relationship. 

Student 1: Welmek, I thank you for this insight because I do not naturally think of this as coming from a personality, in other words, the Father's nature. And I enjoy that perspective, I like the feel of it. It's just to me still a bit beyond my comprehension that this comes as a source; to me it's something surrounding me, it's part of me, so I don't see it as other. And in that I'm probably not entirely mistaken but to see it as a
source, outside of myself, is a new perspective.

Welmek: It is a source outside of you and it is a source inside of you. It is both. And it is difficult at your level to extricate that which is external and that which is internal. And I would even say that it is not even necessary to know that which is outside and that which is within. The important concept is to understand that the nature of companionships is important to your spiritual development and also to help you understand a deeper level of why these companionship relationships are important than you have perhaps considered before. The idea of growing these friendships and adding to the companionship quotient in your life is so important because in the actual bond that you share with another person, you find a level of love and peace and togetherness and this is all a part and parcel of who the Father is and how the universe is glued together with these relationships and how nothing can exist without these relationships. And what you are doing my friend is, you are adding a level of enjoyment and experience into the evolving Supreme Being, that is God experiencing life through you.

Student 1: This is where I agree that it's not important to make a certain distinction of other and self, because in one way there is a profound oneness, a union as the absolute reality; we in our little beginning stage here, even participate in. One of the most wonderful things that stuck with me and found resonance in my living mind of the words in the Urantia Book is when it pointed out most physical things, even things like, living things, like food and shelter, in a way they are a means to an end, but our relationships, our companionships with other persons are an end in themselves. In that sense they are outside of time, they do not exist so that we can get something in the future; they are now. I was really thrilled with that insight from the text.

Welmek: They are part and parcel of the Father. They are the expression of the Father in each of you as you move and grow and experience your relationship. They are eternal; they are existential, and you my friend
have the exquisite joy of sharing in this most wonderful and blessed of all experiences; to have companionship with another individual that will lead you to deeper levels of understanding the Father. There is so much beauty and grandeur in these relationships. The more you amass your friendships at this deeper spiritual level, the more joy and love you will experience and the more you will forget about what it is that you need and what it is that you expect in life and find that your true joy comes just in being with good friends and sharing the love of the Father that is growing and bonding you together.  

Student 2: This is a difficult one for me in the sense of; I really don't have any true friends that I could call my soul buddies. Although I am experiencing the opening or the promising of a companionship with a woman at this time and we do talk to each other about our spiritual life and what's going on in our lives. And there is love between us, and so that is promising and has potential to be quite rewarding and rich. I do have people who I confide in about what's going on in my life, the innermost parts of my life.

But maybe it's part of my personality or makeup that I've never really had a true friend during my childhood, as we traveled around a lot, and we moved every two years, so I was never really established any deep long-lasting friendships. And I've always envied people who stayed in one place and had a best friend for life. So I've always been kind of a solitary person and I don't feel lonely, although there are times where I
do feel alone for romantic purposes. But my children are my friends as well. I don't necessarily confide every single thing to them, as they don't with me, but I consider them my soul mates as well; and there is a
lot of love between us, obviously.

But one of my regrets is like with my mother, I could never confide in her my deepest innermost secrets. And there's always that barrier between us, that I can't be totally myself. So I don't have that whole network of friendship, of soul mates, but I'm more of a solitary person.  

Welmek: Would you say that in the relationships that you have do you find that your soul is at rest when you are with these individuals?

Student 2: I would say yes. Like I am creating a community with the church that I'm participating in and my soul's at rest with D. and E. and this woman that I am seeing, and her children. But I am experiencing great unrest with the person that's living with me, and it's causing me great discomfort. 

Welmek: There are two elements I would like to address here. One is the idea of being a companion to someone and this level of relationship usually is one of reciprocity where neither individual feels that it is
necessary to offer advice or guidance or support. It is a level of enjoyment and I would even call it service of just sharing who you are and letting the other person express himself or herself to you and allowing the union of your souls to blend together and fill you with peace and satisfaction. There is a delightful self-forgetfulness that occurs in this relationship for do you not find that the time passes quickly, and that you feel uplifted, and that it is an enjoyable experience that when you leave the encounter you feel good and it was something that you look forward to experiencing again and again. 

This is one level that I am suggesting. If you do experience this then, this level of companionship that I am suggesting is what is so satisfying in human experience. There are those relationships that are more, I would say, service oriented where you are forgetting yourself and putting the needs of another person in front of yours. This is best epitomized in the parent-child relationship and you know full well what that entails from your relationship with your children.  

But in this relationship of the person that is now living with you, I would ask you to consider what kind of relationship do you think this will be for you, one of a companionship nature, or one of a service nature -— of parent-child.  Do you have any confusion in your mind about this, or are you perhaps being torn in two different directions in your own mind?

Student 2: I know I'm being torn. I know I don't feel joy, I've even felt betrayed by some of his actions or words he has said.

Welmek: Is it because you are looking for a certain level of understanding from him in yourself?

Student 2: Possibly 

Welmek: And if this is so, then I suggest that you take a closer look at this individual and ask for insight into this person's motivations and behavior, for it could be that you are mixing to a certain extent what it is that this relationship is about. He is very emotionally young, is he not?

Student 2: Yes, very much so.

Welmek: And so in that youthfulness you can see that there is more of the child in him, and as a person who is more emotionally stable and mature this would lend itself to the parent-child relationship inasmuch as you do not expect that child to understand you, but you provide guidance and assistance to that person so they can learn a better way, they can learn some of the boundaries that are necessary in interpersonal relationships that will give them a better sense of self-discipline and respect for others. 

Student 2: What happens if he's not open to doing that?

Welmek: But it is not a matter of you portraying this in an overt fashion. It is a subtle and I would say, inspired approach on your part by going to Jesus and saying, "Jesus, this person is now in my home, and it is to some extent my responsibility to care for this individual. Teach me the ways of being a good parent-friend to this person that will not make him feel threatened or insignificant but will teach him those skills that he now needs to live life more independently and successfully on his own." And perhaps in time, when he grows and develops more, you will have forged a deeper level of relationship that affords you this level of companionship/reciprocity that we were discussing. 

You must also recognize that it is not your responsibility to change this person. Although this person is in your home and you are trying to offer guidance; you must also remember that this person has his own unique way of looking at things that will not match yours at many times. As a boarder in your home, you have every right to expect him to consider your standards, but you must also remember that he is coming from a certain place of, I will say, a lack of discipline, and he does not at this time understand or honor your ways to the extent that he will come to understand in the future. You must be patient and consistent and most of all, non-judgmental and he will respond to that. 

I would encourage you to extend this idea of spiritual buddy to a larger community and to find those individuals with whom you can share the beauty and integrity of yourself with. There is no need to hold back who you are. You are a beautiful person and have many gifts to share. It is the romantic ideal to have this one individual that you can share yourself with and I am not discounting that, but I am also encouraging you to be more forthcoming with who you are with other people now in your sphere. Let them see the beauty. Let them see what you have to give.  et them come to know you and in that knowing of who you are they will love you and return love to you. You must make the first step and let them see you. There is nothing to hide; you have much beauty and love to give. Let them see that and they will respond accordingly. 

That is the joy of being in companionship with people. As you exude your love, your beauty, your personality that comes from the Father — everything in you that is good, and true, and real — how can other people not love you and want to know you more? And so you can never have too many friends, and you will find that your relationships grow and deepen. The more you give of yourself, the more you will find these deeper levels of companionship. And this is why self-forgetfulness is so important to this growing level of companionship, because the more you show who you are, the more you forget about your worries and your cares. And are not these all encumbrances of the ego-self? 

The universe is rich in companionship; and as you grow and feel this family of brothers and sisters about you now, you will find the blessings within your soul fill you to such exquisite depths and breaths and heights that the only true expression of your heart will be one of worshipful gratitude to the Father for making this all possible and real in your life.