Anxiety

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Many feel anxious concerning the perception that others have of them, especially specific people, often family members. Others have anxiety concerning the perception of their peers and colleagues. You all fear the worst, that another's perception will confirm your own lowest conception of yourself, that you are somehow a failure.

This anxiety causes you to keep up a front towards these people, a front of calm coolness, of having everything under control, a front that says that you know exactly what you are doing and don't need any help or advice, and especially don't need any concern or, heaven forbid, pity. We encourage you to explore these feelings, explore why they occur with the people that they occur with.

There is always in each person concerns that they would be embarrassed for another person to see. Each person is concerned with their status and their prestige in life, it is beyond what they really deserve. Each person is concerned with defending that status and level of prestige that their authority should not be breeched or undermined. This is all natural human feeling and it is universal. It is one of the things that makes true communication difficult, and true team work difficult.

Life is very complex and it is built around a complex web of human interaction. Business life is built around transactions that are partly postures more than reality. Everyone has to pretend to be expert and not sow doubts telling the truth at times if it is warranted. Your society is so full of these behaviors that reality is very blurred all the time in thousands of small ways and in order to fit into this society requires countless bendings of the truth and countless poses of authority that may not be entirely comfortable. It is as though you all are so afraid of exposing vulnerability that you are willing to sacrifice truth to that end. This phenomenon is world wide and extends to national life as well. This is intolerance.

You want perfection in all your dealings from the waitress that brings your breakfast to the mechanic who fixes your car to your political leadership, you want them all to be experts. You don't want them to display any hint of not knowing or inefficiency. And this intolerance stems from having to hold up this facade yourselves all the time.

This societal intolerance and shading of the truth is a recipe for ultimate disaster. Individually, it leads to heart attacks, strokes, depression, mental illness, and so on. As nations, it leads to intolerance of weakness of the unfortunate and between nations it leads to armed conflicts as everyone wants to see their side as white and the other side as black. You all want to be assured of your rightness, your innocence, that you were certainly right to lose your temper over the dry cleaner losing a shirt or something.

This society is taking a cardboard perfectionism to extremes. In part, it is said to be due to the congestion of people, the masses of people living in close proximity, that little things tend to cause greater perturbations. But, I contend that it is the strain of keeping up appearances, the strain of maintaining this cardboard perfection in yourselves, that causes you to jump on others for their slips because you are afraid of your slipping.

When we speak of tolerance as a fruit of the spirit, we are speaking of it extending to your whole, entire life. We are speaking of you tolerating yourself to the point that you can tolerate others and tolerate others seeing your imperfections and it is this that decreases anxiety. If you can allow others to see your faults, to
see your fears, then you can easily, very easily, tolerate seeing fears in others and imperfections in others.

It takes some work to identify your anxieties and to counter act these by openly expressing your true feelings. In some ways it is a measure of your cultural maturity. You all remember going through the adolescent phase where you answered every inquiry with "I'm fine" and you remember all the anxiety that that was hiding.

Socially, this planet is still in its adolescence. Despite the cultural and professional pressures to the contrary, for your own spiritual growth you must learn to be more openly exposed. To say at times, "I don't know", or just to express hope or fear or any number of human emotions without the fear of falling into a black hole that you will never come out of again, this won't happen and believe me you will feel better. Say, "I don't know but I am going to try", or something like that.

You are all in places in your careers where this is very difficult, but it is not impossible. It is the equivalent of letting down a piece of cardboard, you will still be standing, you won't disappear.

Question: At first pass I find it easier to apply to business situations than personal situation, but I suspect it does apply to both.

Ham: Especially being a parent tends to reinforce this role playing. Because, for a child to see you weak or indecisive or frightened is for some intolerable.  

Question: It works with the child too, when the child learns to feel like he or she has to put up a good front when they see weakness on the part of the parent. This can make children feel anxiety.

Ham: Yes.

Question: I found myself saying, "I am bad at accepting imperfection in myself and better at accepting it in other people, and I wonder if I am kidding myself in saying that?

Ham: It is usually the case that one is the reflection of the other. So, if you are intolerant of allowing others to view your imperfections then you are usually intolerant of other's to that same degree. Deep within each person, there is a critic, and that critic is pretty accurately cataloguing your imperfections. You can take the critics job away by acknowledging and accepting your own imperfect humanity. But, mostly humans fear the critic and he goes on working for years before you can accept yourselves.

Question: This critic, is this the same imposter that we call the ego?

Ham: Yes, it is an aspect of that same identify creating entity. Because mankind is a will creature, he can choose between reality and unreality and there is aspects of both in every evolving creature. There are always areas where the person sees reality slightly skewed out of their ego needs. The ego is a mental
construction that is unreal itself. It is a way for the mind to self-identify, to identify itself as separate from universal mind.

The truth is, however, that mind is not separable, it is one mind originating in the third source and center. But, being material creatures who are individually packaged personalities, the mind that is utilized must adapt to that phenomenon and so the ego identity is born. Spiritual growth and the process of becoming increasingly spirit identified, entails the gradual relinquishing of ego separation. Personality remains your unique connection with the Father, but there is a gradual lessening of the ego mind identification. This is a process extending on into Paradise. As you know, Lucifer himself was not exempt from ego identification.  The ego says, "I am" or I am part of or I am partial, or anything of the sort.

Question: So the fear beneath all this is the fear of loss of identity?

Ham: Yes.

Question: Of not being?

Ham: Yes.

Question: So we become anxious because we are trying so hard to defend this unreality, this ego identification of mind as self and the need then to defend this self?

Ham: Yes.

Question: And, denying this fear.

Ham: Yes, absolutely.

Question: So if we can get to a point where we become more accepting of how things are and the things that happen instead of defending the idea of who we think we should be, we would become less anxious?

Ham: Well put.

Question: Acceptance of partiality?

Ham: Acceptance of life.

Question: I Find that when I am involved with someone who is equally perfectionistic that we get involved in trying to maintain our view of being perfect and then when we aren't, we blame the other person for making us imperfect. I find this harder than admitting to a colleague that I cannot do something.

Question: Does this stem from childhood tapes, of being told we are no good?

Ham: That is where it starts, but it's not always unconscious or repressed memories that trigger these things.

Question: Did you have any insights into when two intolerant perfectionists butt heads.

Ham: Humor, humor will save many situations. Because, humor can make you see the absurdity of the situation.

Question: And the kinship?

Ham: Yes.

Question: The other patterns I see in myself is when someone threatens to knock over my cardboard perfection, I get angry at them.

Ham: Yes. 

Question: It is like a validation of your inner condemnation of yourself. And so, the antidote for this, is it to become as a little child, in your own view of yourself?

Ham: Yes, that is one way to put it. You have to grow more tolerant of others seeing your imperfections.

Question: It would also help to live more in the present moment and worry less about future consequences.

Ham: Yes very much so. Do not always think in terms of fairness for yourself. There are other more important issues at stake. The Master sought to be fair whit those around him, but never sought fairness for himself. It is human to react to a perceived injustice whether it be to secretly resent this or openly confront it. But sometimes, the small issue of justice in a small particular situation can be irrelevant to the overall greater picture. In relationships, if two people are always contending for fairness over every little thing, then they would be fighting all the time and the greater value of the relationship is imperiled. Be generous and light hearted over trifles.

Alkon: Anxiety is a form of fear response, which is more subtle in its emotional tone and often pervasive in its duration. It is characterized by a heightened physiological response including blood pressure, heart rate, sensory cutoff levels, and other measures. It is understood emotionally as a sense of unease, tension, of foreboding, and general discomfort. Sometimes the object of anxiety is clear cut and understood, and at other times it can be generalized and floats freely from one mental image to another coloring all thought with an unpleasant, mildly fearful arousal flavor and tone. Physiologically it is part of your animal make up, the nature of your nervous system. It has been placed there by the Life Carriers for the purpose of arousing action for anticipated dangerous situations. Its purpose in evolutionary terms is to make sure the organism, the human mind-body, is prepared for the eventualities which could occur in the environment.  

As evolution proceeded and human will evolved to the point where Andon and Fonta exercised true human choice, as contrasted to merely animalistic choices, the role of anxiety was complicated and has further evolved in its complication so that much of what is experienced as anxiety today has no connection with truly life threatening circumstances. The anxiety of modern times has spilled over into many other areas other than physical danger anticipatory functioning. It has become to many people a permanent condition. The anxiety is often at an unconscious level until there is some triggering stimulus to make it aware to the consciousness of an individual.  

When Jesus spoke to his apostles and to the multitudes to let go of anxiety he was referring to the generalized, free-floating dis-ease, which even in the comparatively simple environment of his times was nevertheless a slave master of the mind. Jesus was not simply a mystic advising a humanistic solution to anxiety. He did not prescribe anti-anxiety medication, nor did he suggest that this anxiety could be controlled by an aesthetic withdrawal from life's interactions, as has been practiced in some religions.

Rather he prescribed soul trust in the over-care of a loving Father-God. While he pointed out that anxiety does not lengthen one's life or result in any action but merely wears out the physical mechanism through the stress induced by elevated physiological reaction, his main point was that anxiety of this nature is totally unnecessary. He stated that the God of all the earth and the Creator of the heavens was so on top of it that he had not only named the stars in their courses but numbered the hairs of your heads; that he knew the falling of the most insignificant bird and therefor was ful! ly competent to take care of the more important needs of his mortal children.  

Because Urantia has been so cut off from much of the spiritual nourishment that would have been its due many people today remain in a state of cosmic orphan-hood. They regard themselves as bereft of any intelligent, loving over-care, whether or not they call themselves practicing atheists. My friends, you have discussed what it means to let your light be seen to illumine the paths of others. I suggest that one of the greatest ways that this light will show in your lives is by your peaceful trust in the over-care of a loving and fully capable Deity. 

Let us speak a moment about forethought. Thinking about the options of the future does not have to be done in a spirit of anxiety. To be free of anxiety does not mean that you throw reason and planning to the winds. No, rather does it mean that your mind is clear, free from the unbelief that clouds it, that make it difficult to think, so that you can look at your choices and options full in the face. At that point you then reach for that light switch. After you have turned it on, the light, the power of God, will light the options before you, so that you can see which one is God's way, as contrasted with which one might be your way.

Our blessed Master Son made his decisions after his baptism when he had clearly understood there were
always two ways, his way or the Father's way. While he could have chosen his way, having already achieved his sovereignty, he deferred and therefor chose the Father's way.  

What will impress your acquaintances, in addition to the many aspects of service, is the way in which you conduct yourselves when you are truly free of anxiety and have finally decided that God's will is the most wonderful thing that you could chose to do. Then you cannot help but be a magnet of love, of peace, and a tower of strength to other people. You will not make their decisions for them but you will assist them in seeing clearly what the paths are that lie before them. You may not assist them with words, but you will show them a better way. There are of course many other aspects of this, but this one thing I felt would direct itself in a useful manner for your thinking. 

Daniel: I have one thing to add to tonight's lesson. In your weekly planning as you consider the days ahead anticipate that there will be periods of anxiety. It is the nature of mortal existence. So when it arrives do not be surprised, and welcome it in and analyze it. Consider its causes, and its place in your thinking. If it is a cause of much distress, then it must be put into perspective. You all have the capability of dealing with this situation, and should a situation arise in which you find yourself at a loss for solution, you know what to do. You all have resources readily at hand whose response is just a beckon call away. 

Bobbie: Are you saying then that if you are a person that is anxious or has hypertension, that it should be controlled other than with medication, say for example in relaxation techniques, that sort of thing? 

Daniel: Thank you for that most intriguing question. My response is this. You know far more than your question elicits. While I cannot speak in specific detail, in general I am allowed to say a great variety of assistance is open to all those who seek assistance. Do not rely totally on any specific area of assistance, but avail yourself of all those things, which are in the repertoire of your society, and of availability to you individually. We regret not being able to speak in specifics. Those issues must be dealt with privately with one's own resource base as you are now most fully appraised of.

Loretta: I wish to talk about letting go of anxiety. I struggled with this natural propensity to defend myself and try to control my surroundings. I was on guard for signs of danger and was something of a worrier.

Indeed, it is important to exercise your mind and face your fears head on. It has been said many times before; it is a wisdom known to your enlightened ones. Nevertheless, it is practiced by very few people in its full reality. Many people do not begin to face their anxieties and worries, (which are all milder varieties of fear), until they become so crippled with this pattern that their lives become dysfunctional. What I wish to touch on is that wonderful, graceful, acceptance of God's true love which is understood to be a greater control and a more wonderful assessment of your life than your minds can possibly engender.

When Jesus said, "Have no anxiety", he reminded his disciples and Apostles that the Father knows your needs before you ask Him. Indeed, the Father dwelling within each of you knows your needs better than you will ever know them in this mortal life. But He cannot arbitrarily work in your behalf unless you grant Him that permission. God loves you enough that He will not coerce or manipulate you in any fashion.  Therefore, the answer to the problem of anxiety is entirely in your hands. It is up to you to decide to allow God this overcare. His intention is always there, but until you take the reins out of your hands and give them into the hands of God, you will still be guiding the horse, which is your life.  

Finally, in talking about letting go of anxiety, I am not at all referring to letting go of discernment, of planning, of careful and thorough work. None of these things are indicated by letting go of anxiety. The anxiety that I refer to is the result of self direction. Its cure is to turn to your divine Pilot within and give him permission to provide you with the guidance that will march you forward from one victory to another over your carnal nature, as you evolve more and more into that splendid being whose survival of death insures your Paradise ascension finality in its greatest and most complete form.